Saturday Morning

I have this great picture of my niece I want to post, but it's a bitmap, and it's not working. I've been trying to figure out how to save it as a jpeg, but nope. Won't work. I didn't take it with my camera either. Poop. Any suggestions?

Walked Charlie this morning, and started my personal three-week challenge of no whining. I got the idea from this website. Even though it's a church, I kinda like what it stands for. I don't have one of their special purple bracelets, but I can try anyway. My two New Year's resolutions were to not go to McDonald's for a year, and to stop comparing myself to other people. I've been good about McDonald's so far (I did have one ice cream cone my mother bought for me a couple weeks ago) but not as successful with the comparisons. And often, that's what leads to my complaining.

So the whole "Complaint-Free World" is something I could get behind. I've gone three hours... let's see if I can make it three weeks.

Did I tell you? D is back home! The last post on his blog (by his wife) is from a week ago, so I don't know how things are exactly at the moment, but he's home. Good good good stuff.

I met with the head of personnel Wednesday, and now we just have to figure out how to decline the assignment in the most politically correct fashion. Remember, I'm letting down this woman in Hungary as well. Darn it. I know it won't work, and I've dealt with the fact that I'm not going, but now she's going to have to deal with the same thing. And, I know this, and she doesn't.

Rats.

Now, what to set my sights on?

Thirteen Thursday # 7

Yeah yeah, I know, I've been remiss with this the last couple of weeks. I've been busy, okay?

Thirteen Things That Annoy Me

• Ice cream that gets knocked off the cone because it wasn't placed there securely enough by the scooper person at Baskin Robbins. This always happens right after you've gotten the rocky road, never after several licks
• Permanently embedded bluetooth headsets, especially when they aren't in use. What? They need to show the world they are important by wearing an earpiece like Uhuru on Startrek?
• Olives. Nasty poisonous fruit soaked in brine. They can't keep to themselves either; they have to leave their foul-tasting residue on everything they've even slightly touched.
• Those window stickers with Calvin peeing.
• A snagged nail and no emery board.
• Finding the most beautiful dress I've ever seen, in the size 16 section, for less than 25 bucks, and upon inspection, seeing that it's a size 10 that's been hidden in the large marge section.
• No "thank you" when I hold the door for someone.
• Cigarette smoke when I'm eating.
• Parents who say, " I'm a single parent, I'm busy. I can't check junior's homework every night," even though junior is flunking three classes.
• My aunt making jokes about how messy I am, even though she's only been in my house once in the last 13 years.
• Spitting. Okay, spitting in public. No, hawking up a lung, then spitting in public.
• The wailing infants and apparently motherless toddlers careening into me at Ross, or some other crowded store.
• Stepping onto a wet floor in my socks.

Getting what I want, almost

I'm glad I'm going home today.


Okay, on to more interesting things.

See, the thing is, about Hungary and all? I applied to go to the UK. I wrote my application letter about wanting to teach English in the UK. My interview? Back in December? All three interviewers were former Fulbright teachers in the UK. All we talked about was teaching in the UK.

Hungary was never mentioned.

At all.


So, Saturday morning, as I was going out to my car to load it up with stuff for Sister and Niece, I saw the big fat FedEx package. I grabbed it, and ran into the house.

And in the second sentence, saw that my exchange was to be with a woman in Hungary.

Tears immediately showed up.

HUNGARY? I don't know a thing about Hungary, except the language there is one of the most difficult in the world to learn (language is actually scaled linguistically... One being quite easy to learn, such as Spanish, and Four being quite difficult, such as Chinese. English is considered a Three).

Okay... I know Paprika comes from Hungary, and it used to be a communist state... but that's all.

And, of course, I'm actually sent no information about my exchange partner, except her name. Nothing else. No e-mail address, no location, nothing about the school, nada, zip.

I'm told in my letter to contact my administrator, who has been sent all this information and more to get her contact information.

Which, is a problem.

Why, you ask? Well, our two-week spring break just started. No one will be back at school or the district office until April 9th. Yeah.

Oh, and I am supposed to accept or decline the assignment within 10 days of receiving the notice.

Argh.

I'm trying to be open-minded. I mean, this is my fault. I did check that teensy weensy box on my application stating that yes, I would consider other countries than the ones I selected.

What was I thinking?

So today I called Washington DC, and at least got her e-mail address. We've exchanged just the barest of details.

Well, she actually has all my application materials at her perusal. Even though we aren't supposed to see the other one's application, I guess her administrator over there handed mine to her.

Get this. She's married with three little girls. Wants to bring the whole family over. That means that they can't stay in my apartment. That means I'd have to find them a place to stay. Because Hungary is so much less expensive that the United States, I'd have to pay part of their rent, in addition to my rent there. Which, wouldn't be so bad if I could come back to my apartment now. Which I couldn't. Which means I'd have to sell or put in storage all my belongings I want to keep (my grandmother's dining table, and my mother's china and all).

Also, she teaches religion and English. At the only Jesuit school in Hungary. It's a Catholic boarding school folks.

Catholic. Mass, and communion, and rules galore.

Where's my open mind now?


Dang it.

If I go, it also negates my chances of going to the UK for at least six years through this program. If I don't accept, it means my partner gets screwed too. She doesn't get a second chance this year either. It's a one-shot deal.

Damn it.

Yes, it sounds all exciting and cool, sort of.

But see, the thing is, I've taught ESL before. At a private Christian school... that's what I did in Japan. I don't want to do that again. My skills, my expertise, is in teaching all of English. Not the American pronunciation of "Aluminum."

I don't know what to do.

Shh...

Okay, so I'm at my sister's right now, stealth blogging.

She truly is overwhelmed, and yes, she brought it on herself, but if I can help out, just a bit, it's better for my little, beautiful, princess niece.

Sister is napping; Ethel was up every hour on the hour, screaming her tiny lungs out, making herself known. They're both asleep now. I've been to Von's, Starbucks, and taken Gargantua for a half hour walk already. I asked sister when was the last time he actually got taken for a walk -- she said "probably the last time you walked him."

That was in November people! My mom and I have been trying to get her to hire a dog walker; this guy is 75 pounds and an Australian Shepherd. He needs activity, and he's not getting it. Might be why he tries to chomp on Charlie? Barks like he's going to kill whomever comes to the door?

Sister said to me today when I brought it up again, "Nope. I'm not going to hire a dog walker, I don't want a dog walker."

Okay, so she's sleep deprived, but still.

I feel bad if I don't walk the wonder dog for an hour a day, and he's a little lazy boy.

Anyway, I have to go. I guess I bought the wrong things at Target yesterday, and have to return them. I also wasn't told I needed to buy milk when I went to Von's so I have to go back there too.

Oh, and right before I left the house yesterday? I got a thick FedEx package from the Fulbright people.

They're sending me to Hungary.

It's been a while

I know. I do check in on your blogs when I'm at work, but I can't comment there. I'm leaving in an hour or so to go to my sister's house to help out for a few days (read: slave labor). She said to me the other night, "I can't ask my friends to do the things I ask you to do... you're my sister."

Uh-huh.

So my spring break starts with getting a crate again for Charlie-boy, driving to Mom's to get some kind of casserole (American Chop Suey? what the hell is that? Was I out every night mom served that for dinner?), and a playpen thingamagig Sister needs to put Niece in when Sister is out in her office.

Then drive to Carol's house to drop off Wonder dog, because the little 22-pound guy makes Sister's dog, Gargantua, "nervous" (which actually means that he bites Charlie for no reason), and then back to Sister's house for three fun-filled days of fetching things and cleaning things and cooking things for Sister.

I know. Bitter, party of one?

Selfish is how I feel. I mean, it's my niece, right? Shouldn't I be thrilled? I am. I am thrilled there's more to my family now. Family does mean everything to me.

But I didn't have the baby. I didn't choose to have a baby all by myself. And I'm a little resentful that there is an expectation that I'll just be there like I always am.

I'm sure a shrink would have lots to say about all this.

Let me end on a lighter note.

We had a great big windstorm two nights ago. Patio furniture flying across my little yard, flower pots falling over and breaking, and electricity that went out for about 12 hours. Anyway, coming home from work yesterday, I saw this little guy.



I'm guessing he somehow got in there, and then couldn't get out because the sides were too slippery. Can you see the beautiful blue-green spots on his back? I ran in, got my camera, and snapped a few pictures, and wished I had a better camera. Then I tipped the pot over to let him get back to the business of being a lizard.


I promise to be in a better mood the next time I post.

She has a name

Cassandra. A big name for such a little baby, but Sister is already calling her Casey. Not sure if that's how it's spelled, but sister is very clear; it's not Cassie, it's Casey... pronounced "Kay-See."

I think I'm just going to call her Ethel. For fun. Besides, it'll piss sister off.

Mom is still down there, helping out, and last night they spent three hours in the emergency room. Baby has Jaundice (like so many do at first), but Saturday night, on Saint Patrick's Day, in a Los Angeles emergency room? It took some time.

Looks like I'm going to have to drive down there and pick mumsy up on Tuesday night and bring her back here. Remember? She won't drive at night or on the freeway or on any road with which she's not familiar?

Yeah. She told me on the phone that Sister-in-Law had offered to do it, but I bet a million dollars I end up being the one.

Gah.

I was at a poetry conference all weekend (stop laughing, it was good!) but I've not had any time to catch up, let alone write much here.

There are stories, including the one that explains why I'm going to have to throw away the shirt I was wearing in the delivery room, but they'll have to wait.


And, the good thoughts for D are working again; it looks possible that he'll come back home next week. Things are moving in the right direction for him. Slowly, yes, but it's all good.

I'm wiped out, and I'm not the one who gave birth yesterday

So, I'm just going to post a couple of photos... there's more in my sister's camera, but we'll all have to wait for those.

Baby Girl and Rebekah

Baby Girl and Grandmommy

She's Here!

And the 7 pound, 15 ounce little beauty still has no name.

Sister labored hard and long... and the doctor said, "We're going to give it two more pushes, and if she doesn't come out, we're going to have to go cesarean," and that was enough to give sister the extra umph to get tinkerbell out last night.

I'll tell the whole tale later, with pictures, but right now, I'm trying to get sister's house ready for her and the little one's return (Sister never got the nesting urge you hear about... the place needs some... uh... organizing).

Have a good one.

Today is probably Baby Day!

Yesterday, coming out of my faculty meeting, I got a call... Sister's water had broken and she was on her way to the hospital.

Mad dash to my room, called the sub service, left two days of plans for my sub, and tried to organize everything in the classroom so the teacher doesn't have any problems. Well, they always have problems with the kids, you all know that, but at least no problems with supplies and whatnot.

Race home, run around trying to get everything in order, talk to my mother about 1000 times whilst trying to get my act together, and calm her down that Sister will not have the baby in one hour. I had to get the crate for the wonder-dog, I had to get the diaper genie thingamagig that was sent to me instead of her, I had to get clothes, I had to clean out the car so that my stuff, Mom's stuff, Charlie and his stuff, and aforesaid diaper disposal all could fit.

Then the drive to the hospital in West Hills. Then the drive to Sherman Oaks to drop off the pooch and set up the crate and leave instructions with Carol's partner for his feeding and all.

Then the drive back to the hospital (oh, my car turned over 100,000 miles on the way back, btw).

Then the wait.

And the wait.

We got silly, and there is a hilarious picture I will post after I retrieve it from sister's camera.

And the wait.

Mom and I were in reclining chairs, but they were cruel pieces of furniture. Sister had an epidural, and all three of us finally got some sleep between 4 am and 6:30 am. Sister's nurse said she was only 3 and a half inches dilated, so we had time to go to sister's house, shower and possibly take a nap.

So, Mom is taking her shower now, and I'm on her computer, waiting for my turn. It's almost 10 am now, so I don't know how much nappage is going to occur.

But...

I'm going to be an aunt today! Who cares if I miss out on some Z's?

Wish her luck (and send good baby name vibes).

Cheers.

A Sunday walk

It's gorgeous outside today. Supposed to break some heat records, but I don't know about that.

Makes me feel just a teensy tiny bit bad for Torn and Chunks up in Canada way... but, we all make choices, right?

Anyway, yesterday kinda sucked as days went, so it was great to get up early, walk the dogs from Montecito to Summerland, and have a big breakfast at the Summerland Cafe, a place where dogs are allowed at the outside tables.

Here, these should help you imagine our walk:

A frolic in the water...

Charlie boy getting his tootsies wet.

As usual, Jelly is much better at sitting still for a photo. If you look in the lower right hand corner, Charlie decided he would deign to look at me for the picture. Of course, I was not taking the picture of him at that moment.

Not high art photos by any means, and they are kinda small here, but gives you the idea.

Have a good Sunday.

Thirteen Thursday # 6

Keep those thoughts and prayers coming for D, okay?



Today I went hunting around my bathroom for the post. I'm not taking a picture of it, because it would scare you, the mess it's in. I do have a clean sink, toilet and mirror. It's just cluttered beyond belief. Before it was remodeled into two apartments, the bathroom was the kitchen in the original incarnation of this quirky little building. It's huge, but odd.
Here goes:

Thirteen things in my bathroom:

1. 53 pairs of shoes. But that counts the brand new pair of lovely, black-pebbled-leather, wide calf boots with a kitten heel I got in the mail yesterday. The thing is, no matter how much I weigh, shoes always fit. Size 8 is such an easy to find size.
2. 127 pairs of earrings. The other item that always fits, no matter what. I rarely have lost any earrings, but have narrowed down the collection. I used to have over 300 pairs. I finally got rid of the florescent, golf-ball width ones from the 80's. Funny thing is, I usually just wear my $9 silver hoops every day.
3. Several rocks. Every time I go to the beach with Charie, I pick up a beach rock. Don't ask me why. I have a small ledge that runs below the mirror and above the sink, and the rocks (and the occasional shell) live there.
4. Opi Nail Polish in Kenebunk-Port. My favorite red polish. I never get manicures but get pedicures as often as I can afford them. This is on my toes right now.
5. Pair of scissors. Hum. Wonder what I was cutting?
6. Oxi-clean, Miracle Foam. Miracle my ass. I don't know if there's anything that will clean up the dinginess of my shower floor. This is one of a long line of cleaning products I've tried to no avail. And it smells awful too.
7. Yesterday's mail. I tend to pick up the mail, come in the door and head to... you know. The school bathrooms are not the best place for taking care of business. Besides the fact that I have 4 minutes between classes to run, do my stuff, wash my hands and run back.
8. Two pairs of trousers, a pair of track pants and a pair of shorts. All on the floor. What a slob I am.
9. Rubber cleaning gloves. Okay, so I don't get manicures, but does that mean I want washer woman hands? I've got a pair in the kitchen and a pair in here.
10. Two plants. Used to be five, but I've killed three of them. The one that's doing the best is one I got from Torn before he moved to Canada. It's in an old copper tin thing that doesn't drain... yet I think it's at least 1o years old. Hm.
11. Victoria's Secret and Ikea catalogues. Guess which one I like better?
12. About 75 different bottles and jars of lotions and creams. Even though many of these are 1 oz trial sizes, I realize I have a problem. I was a little addicted for a while to ordering the strangest scents (black pepper pear? Vanilla Cedar?) of these from small, online shops. I've not ordered any for over a year. I've thrown out several and am working my way through the rest. You all have your vices, this is one of mine.
13. Zip lock baggie of travel size items. Yes, it's a quart size baggie, and all the travel items are three ounces or less. I just keep it ready to go. Makes it easier when I'm packing to go. Although, don't think I'll be flying anywhere in the next couple of months.

Now you know a bit more about my secret single life. Maybe it's good I don't have a partner; I'd have to change some of my habits.

Come on now...

Okay, so the other day? the anti-infection thoughts for my friend D?

We need more.

He's got pneumonia and a staph infection. One of those awful, antibiotic-resistant, needs-to-be-in-isolation-for-10-days kinds of staph infections.

Makes my last post look even more whiny than normal.

Please please please... any extra thoughts, prayers, intentions, chants... send them D's way.

Sometimes

I feel like a fraud.

Being a good person, caring about others, being honest when it's necessary... doesn't mean anything.

All those stories and songs and movies and stupid trite sayings? I've actually tried to live my life by them.


And instead of the happy ending, I'm the one who ends up with nothing.

(Oh, I know, so dramatic. Don't worry... I'm not in the abyss.)

It's just that I sit back once in a while and take stock.

I bought into the fairy tale, and it was a lie. Sometimes there is no happily every after, or prince charming, or even a nice little cottage somewhere.

Sometimes, the heroine of the story keeps trying and trying and gets nothing for her efforts. Taking a chance, going for broke, sometimes just leaves her empty-handed.

This year, I've been trying to do for others; you know, not feel badly for myself by getting outside of my head. Be there for those that need me, be the ear, the shoulder, the friend who says what needs to be said, and hears what needs to be heard. Forgive what needs to be forgiven.

And?

It hasn't worked.

Sometimes, you can be the best person possible, and no one notices. Sometimes, it doesn't matter.

Sometimes, you're still left wondering:

Why isn't it ever me?

Songs for my movie

I shamelessly copied this from Gayprof.

Opening Credits: “Over the Rainbow” by Johnny Mathis and Ray Charles
Just over the rainbow? Is that the gay pride rainbow? Is it because I’m always falling in love with gay men? Do I just have to get over it? Will my dreams come true?

Waking Up: “My Man” by Billy Holiday.
Yeah right. It’s been eight years since there’s been a man waking up in my bed. Oh, unless you count the wonder dog.

First Day of School: “Two Sides to Every Story” by Etta James
“Ms. Teacher! Johnny pushed me!”
“Well, Timmy took my pencil!”
“He did, he did, I saw it!”
“Shut up Ralph!”
“Ms. Teacher, Timmy just pinched me!”

There’s more than two sides. I know it’s true.

Falling in Love: “Finest Worksong” by R.E.M.
Is that because it’s work, but it’s fine? I don’t know. Haven’t fallen in love in a long time.

First Song: “I Can’t Believe You’re in Love With Me” by Louis Armstrong
Yeah, I’d probably go into anaphylactic shock at this point.

Breaking Up: “You Try to Find a Love” by Bill Withers
And keep trying and keep trying…

Prom: “Bloody Mary (A Note on Apathy)” by Five for Fighting
Hm…more like Carrie’s theme song. My prom wasn’t so bad. It’s definitely a post in and of itself.

Driving: “Prince of Darkness” by Indigo Girls
Uh. Yeah. Most folks don’t like to drive with me. Say I don’t pay close enough attention to the road. Don’t know if I’d compare it to Satan and all though.

Flashback: “ Lie to Me” by Chris Isaack
Now, this is a good one. I was lied to, royally lied to several years ago. Found out that not only had I been cheated on, but that I was someone’s beard. That kinda sucked.

Starting a New Relationship: “Cat’s in the Cupboard” by Pete Townsend
Someone’s hiding in my closet? My new boyfriend is hiding? What?

Wedding: “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Steeler’s Wheel
Oh, that’s charming. Romantic and all. Maybe because I’m so vanilla and suburban and all?

Birth of Child: “Whisper” by Evanescence
Wouldn’t that be great? Didn’t Katie and Tom have a silent birth? Am I going to become a scientologist?

Final Battle: “And When I Die” by Blood, Sweat &Tears
It’s a kicky song, I’ll give you that.

Death Scene: “Drunken Angel” by Lucinda Williams
If I have to go, being drunk and an angel wouldn’t be the worst way.

Funeral Song: “If It’s Magic” by Stevie Wonder
Then I’ll come back to life.

End Credits: “Fragile” by Kylie Minogue
So people can leave dancing in the aisles I suppose.

Good anti-infection thoughts

are needed.

D is back in the hospital; he has some kind of infection they've not identified (after 12 hours of tests) and is expected to be there the next five or six days.

I'm glad he's where he needs to be, but oh gosh, I just want him to get stronger and better.

Think a good thought for him today if you can.

And the name meme continues

YOUR REAL NAME: Rebekah

YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Rebeizzle

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Green Dog

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Smith Lancaster

YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom's maiden name):Arsresit

YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Teal Zinfandel

YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom's maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad's middle name + 1st letter of a sibling's first name + last letter of your Mom's middle name): Elmiods

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa's first name + Jones): Midge Jones

YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Charlie

YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food): Carmen Ghia None

NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Gateway Epson

MOVIE STAR NAME (sibling's middle name + mother-in-law's maiden name): Graham (I don’t have a mother-in-law, so I’m one of those single names)

YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Hezekiah Chemin De Fer

YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor's last name + fav hard liquor): Stewart Gin

YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Peanutbutter Cup Boysenberry

Thirteen Thursday # 5

Thirteen jobs I've had:

1. Sweeping up hair at Adorn Coiffures. It was one of those hair places that women went into once a week for a wash n' set. Older crowd. I used to empty the little ashtrays that were set into the arms of the drying chairs. Can you imagine? All that ammonia, hair spray and toner smell, mixed with cigarette smoke? Gross.
2. Fryer/cashier at Jack in the Box. Yep. Made $2.85 an hour there, plus a meal allowance of $3.50 if I worked more than four hours in a shift. Red, orange and yellow uniforms. Double-knit polyester. I worked the graveyard shift, 6 pm to 2 am, Thursday through Sunday nights when I was a freshman in college. I wouldn't recommend it.
3. Resident Assistant. The 10th floor, all girls. 6o girls to be exact. I was 20, they were all 18. I got free housing and meals.
4. University Children's Center aide. I adored this job. I never babysat as a teenager, but this was so much fun. I rode my bike to work and was happy to go every day. I almost became a preschool teacher, but the pay sucked.
5. Clerk at 7-Eleven. I couldn't get a real job after getting an English degree, so I worked here and as a...
6. Clerk at a Hallmark store. I had to wear skirts and hose at this one, and it was one of those , "if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean" kinda places. Every time someone bought a card, I'd scurry over to replace it. I broke a lot of things there. Not my fault! Too many knick knacks anyway.
7. Living instructor at St. Vincent's Academy. This was a boarding school for developmentally disabled children and teens. It's not there any more. It was started by Catholic nuns for orphans way back. I worked in one of the group homes with the 14-16 year olds. I was attacked more than once. It wasn't a nice place.
8. Resident instructor, Work Training Programs. I actually lived in a group home with six severely behavior disordered, developmentally disabled adults (try to say that ten times fast). Okay, so I lived in a converted garage apartment that attached to the house by a door. Oh the stories I could tell. The night one of the residents ripped the front door off the house chasing me? Another day.
9. Special Education aide, severely/multiply handicapped class. At one point I thought I'd go into special education. This job was another one I really enjoyed. Not taxing on the brain, and I loved the people. Both my coworkers and the students.
10. Teacher of English as a foreign language. I've talked about this before. Three years at a private girl's school in Japan.
11. Custodian. I did this for two weeks, two hours a day, and made $250. Gross gross work, but good pay. This was in 1991.
12. Apartment Manager. Ew. Don't do this if possible. I mean, Torn has to do it, but his financial security relies on it. My building had 16 apartments in it, all populated by crazies. I was also teaching and working at the winery at the same time. Too much.
13. Beckmen Winery, wine pourer. This job was great, until they hired a bee-otch as a manager. I worked there four years, every Sunday, and always had fun. Very few grouchy people go wine tasting. I learned a lot about wine, and got 50% off the wine there (and most other wine in the Santa Ynez Valley).