Being a good person, caring about others, being honest when it's necessary... doesn't mean anything.
All those stories and songs and movies and stupid trite sayings? I've actually tried to live my life by them.
And instead of the happy ending, I'm the one who ends up with nothing.
(Oh, I know, so dramatic. Don't worry... I'm not in the abyss.)
It's just that I sit back once in a while and take stock.
I bought into the fairy tale, and it was a lie. Sometimes there is no happily every after, or prince charming, or even a nice little cottage somewhere.
Sometimes, the heroine of the story keeps trying and trying and gets nothing for her efforts. Taking a chance, going for broke, sometimes just leaves her empty-handed.
This year, I've been trying to do for others; you know, not feel badly for myself by getting outside of my head. Be there for those that need me, be the ear, the shoulder, the friend who says what needs to be said, and hears what needs to be heard. Forgive what needs to be forgiven.
And?
It hasn't worked.
Sometimes, you can be the best person possible, and no one notices. Sometimes, it doesn't matter.
Sometimes, you're still left wondering:
Why isn't it ever me?
4 comments:
... I don't know. That place you are describing is what freed me in an important way. I stopped trying to fit into the fairy tale and started figuring out what felt good to me.
So, I think it is good. Painful. Sometimes shocking. But good, if you let it lead you to something better.
Glad you're not in the Abyss. What would it feel like if it were "working"? I think there'd still be ups and downs and joys and frustrations .... just like now.
I notice, dear friend.
People notice your actions. And I'm betting that you're being repaid with a few good friends, which is a hell of a payment.
*hug*
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