Back to my life

If you have the chance to see an old friend, take it.

Say what you need to say to someone, even if it scares you.

Ask the questions you want answered, or you'll always wonder.

Let the daily crap go by. Remember there's more out there, and the world's not going to fall apart if you don't get every thing done just right and on time.

We don't always grow in little daily steps. Sometimes we grow in spurts, like when your mom had to keep letting down the hem of your purple Toughskins, and then had to actually sew on an extra plaid cuff because it seemed like you "grew an inch every time" she washed the jeans.

That growth spurt takes some getting used to. Bumping into things, tripping over your own feet because you're still acting as if things were the way they were before. Yet nothing is in the same place. As a kid, it's all arms and legs. Now, it's more the emotions and intellect.

Last summer I found out the truth about something that happened over 20 years ago. I had believed one thing for that whole time, and then found out it wasn't true. Not only that, but that I had been deceived into believing what I did.

Boy, did I feel like a sap.

Now, I'm learning more about myself. What's important and what isn't. How I shouldn't base my feelings on what someone else thinks is valid or not. Just because it makes someone else uncomfortable doesn't mean it's my responsibility to avoid it. Particularly if avoiding it makes me uncomfortable.

Yes, I'm being vague, and no, I'm not talking about the friend I visited this past weekend. Although, that's where all this is coming from.

He asked me in an email a while ago, what I'd do if something life-threatening, like cancer, hit me or one of my family members. You know, "What would you do differently?"

I've been thinking about it since.

And I wouldn't change being a teacher, or the grade level or the subject. I know that part of my life is right. I wouldn't change my sense of humor, even though some think I'm immature, or inappropriate. I don't think I'd start bungee jumping or jumping out of planes; I take the kinds of risks that matter to me already. I don't feel the need to scare myself.

What I would do is tell people what I really thought of them. I would ask the questions that needed to be asked, even if they didn't want to answer them. I would confront those who've hurt my feelings, instead of making it all my fault.

So, I started tonight. I called Kevin, and confronted him about his crappy behavior last summer. He's not one to get into a real emotional conversation, but I feel better now. He was second-guessing me, and I was second-guessing him. It's not all resolved, but at least it's a start.

I still have essays to mark and semester grades to give. I gotta go.

Give someone a hug after you read this, even if you aren't a huggy sort. Even if you don't like it, chances are someone else will.