Communication

Were you a phone-hanger-upper? You know, you're having an argument on the phone with someone, and so to have the last word (and really piss the other person off), you hang up on them?

I wasn't big on that. I don't know that I ever did it. Oh wait. I remember one time. I had a boyfriend in high school. He lived in another town, so we spent lots of time on the phone. Well, I used to call him and talk a little dirty to him sometimes. Mostly goofing around stuff, just to see if I could embarrass him. It never got too heated or anything (which now tells me that I should've known something wasn't quite right, because, I mean, what 17-year-old boy has a girlfriend who torments him by talking dirty?... but that's a whole other story).

Anyway, my boyfriend had a best friend. They were together all the time. Together so much that they sounded identical on the phone. So identical that that's the way they would mess with me. Best Friend would answer the phone instead of Boyfriend. I'd ask (because they'd done it enough to make me wary), "Is this Boyfriend or Best Friend?" But Best Friend still sometimes tricked me.

So, I call up, Best Friend answers the phone. Says he's Boyfriend. I hear no giggling in the background and I say something suggestive to him.

"WHAT!?" and then shrieks of laughter and my boyfriend's voice (yes, the real boyfriend) yelling,"What did she say?! What did she say?!"

I hung up on them.


But, back to the present:
Last night, I was having a disagreement with someone. She thought one thing, I thought another. As far as she was concerned, there was no compromise, because a third party involved agreed with her. The thing is, money was involved, money for a gift for someone important.

A LOT of money.

She's very proud of the fact that she makes so much money. She also likes to remind me that she makes more than me. That I don't have to "put in" as much as she and the other person involved in this decision (subtle hint that I also don't have as much "say" in the decision? you think?).

Remember my post about presents? That the most important factor for me, whether receiving or giving is the thought that goes into it? That's what we were arguing about. She was pushing for something very expensive (and showoff-y, in my opinion), and I was thinking of something more personal, and yes, less costly.

Oi.

So the argument becomes not about this gift, but about my perception of this other person. Every time we get into an argument, it has to be because I "hate her" not because I see things differently. Once she gets into this mode, it's impossible to get her out again. I can't be irritated or annoyed just because of this or that... it's always because I "hate her." And then she gets all hurt and we're not talking anymore about whatever the immediate problem might be.

Now, I do see her as somewhat manipulative, but then again, so am I, at times. I like getting my way, she likes getting hers.

Here's the problem. We start out with the disagreement about the gift. It then turns into this whole big thing about how I don't trust her implicitly to give my idea a fair shake, which means I see her in this horrible light. She's offended I think of her this way, and can't understand why.

So, I tell her why. I remind her of some shit she pulled in the not-so-distant past, and how that affects how I see her now.

"Can't we just move on from that?"

Well, that would be great for her, wouldn't it? My point to her was that I do mistrust her intentions sometimes. She asked why. I gave a reason. She told me to drop it.


And for the first time since my 20's, she hung up on me.

Oh, the drama.