How did my eyes get smaller?

So I got the new passport in the mail yesterday. Remember how I said it wasn't the best picture? I was wrong. It's the most horrid picture of myself yet. I mean, I spent fifteen minutes staring in the mirror last night, trying to see the resemblance between the face looking back at me, and the old hag in the passport photo. I also kept comparing it against the pretty girl in my old passport, from twenty years ago.

I thought about posting the two photos side by side here, but that's too much grist for certain elements that read this blog. I know it's a putrid photo, I don't need to advertise it.

See, the girl in the old passport, the 21-year-old, had these huge blue eyes and long, thick, black lashes. She's not wearing any makeup, and yet her skin looks perfect... or almost perfect... a small red blemish on her chin does nothing to take away from her beauty. She's wearing a sweater her mom knitted for her, a lovely teal green, and a shirt her mother made for her sister, which the girl in the passport photo swiped. The funny thing about that shirt is that it had upside down palm trees on it, because the girl's mother didn't check the pattern before she cut it out. The girl always loved that shirt. She's even wearing abalone earrings her mother made. I forgot how creative this girl's mother used to be. I still have those earrings, and wear them once in a while.

The old biddy in the new passport photo doesn't have a single blemish, or at least one that can be seen. She's wearing makeup that could've been put on with a trowel, it's so thick. She was sick when the photo was taken, and had several spots on her face. Although she rarely wears foundation makeup, she piled it on for this, knowing the photo would be around a while. What the old woman in the photo didn't realize was that the makeup would make her looked washed out and tired. Kind of like an old sheet you can see through when it's hanging on the line.

Her eyes are small and red. She's not wearing the glasses she normally wears, out of vanity. She put in her contacts that morning, which always irritate her. Where her eyelashes are, are as good your guess as mine. Her dyed brown hair is too short, and curls under lamely on her forehead. There's one wayward lock of hair doing its Alfalfa imitation in the back. She's not looking into the camera, and it's caught her just before she really smiled. Her teeth are white, but her lips are small. The shadow behind her makes her looks as if she's got some kind of Carol Brady shag going on at her neck. The bottom part of the photo is out of focus.

Eww.

Why oh why didn't I go and get the photos taken first? Then, even if I had to pay more, I'd at least have a chance of a reasonably decent looking photo. Now, I'm stuck with this shit for 10 years. Yeah, 10 years from now, I might say I looked younger, but I certainly hope I don't say I looked better.