Being Busy

This last week, the last three weeks have been busy. Not busy like I got anything done, but busy with all the meetings I had to attend and paperwork I needed to fill out. It's not going to stop anytime soon, so I should deal with it, and not bore you with the details.

19.8 pounds. That's what I've lost so far. I need to lose 60 total, so I'm feeling very proud. For those of you who struggle with your weight, you know how frustrating it is to be judged so harshly just because of the girth of your body. This goes for folks trying to gain weight too. I once said, after...ah-hem... the deed, to a boyfriend, "You're too skinny." I didn't mean anything by it, but he was crushed. In retrospect, it was an awful thing to say, but I was ignorant. Just because society accepts thinness more than thickness, doesn't make trying to gain weight "easier."

Another time, at a much younger and much more slender time in my life, another boyfriend patted my thigh and said, "aren't there exercises you can do to make these smaller?" Bad enough, but again, it was said right after... um...you know...

Should have made me more sensitive, but it didn't.

People say stupid things. I do, you do. Sometimes we regret them, sometimes not. I wrote about this before; no matter what your or my intention, someone can and most likely will misinterpret what is said. We can't go around being politically correct all the time, and we can't edit our words so much that we are silent, but we do need to think.

Weight is such a weird issue for so many people. I don't have any eating disorders or food addictions, I just like to eat. That's it. Oh yeah, and I'm naturally lazy. If there's a choice between sweating and not sweating, you all know which option I'd take.

So, I've become quite fat. If I lost 45 pounds from what I weigh now, I'd still weigh what a doctor once called "centripetally obese" (go ahead, look it up, I had to). I thought I looked okay , but once I saw that write-up, I freaked.

I've always been a bigger person, and it didn't bother me. What I said before? About being lazy? It's only partly true. I used to be on the swim team in high school and was a lifeguard and a swim instructor in college. Once upon a time, I used to ride my bike 100 miles a week. I used to paddle with the SB Outrigger team... then life popped in, with its responsibilities. I didn't have the two hours a day to devote to exercise, nor did I want to anymore.

I have a friend who is, in my opinion, an exercise junkie. Maybe not, but she works out probably 3 hours a day, plus works full time. No, she doesn't have a family, but she does have a killer bod. Anyway, I can't just go for a walk on the beach with her. No, we have to go on a 5 mile uphill (preferably all the way) hike, at super-speed. It's like she's trying to prove something to me, but I never get what it is. She's in better shape than I am? I get that, but we don't have to have a race to figure that one out.

She's always trying to get me to lose weight, which basically pisses me off. Which I have told her it does. She compares it to smoking, "you know, I just care about your health. If you smoked, I would try to get you to quit."

Okay, I see her point, but there's quite a bit more going on than that. For one, I can't just quit eating, and for two, my being overweight doesn't affect anyone but me. As selfish as it sounds, the times I say the most about smoking, is when someone is doing it in front of me, and I don't like the smell.

I don't have a point today people. Just living up to my blog's title I guess.