Yesterday

Yesterday my friend's dog died. Very suddenly and painfully from "Bloat." I don't know exactly what Bloat is, but it causes the animals insides to burst. I haven't been able to talk to Victoria yet, and she's the kind of person that keeps everyone at arm's length. That dog was everything to her. Everything. Victoria doesn't let people in, doesn't want help, comfort or pity ever, and feels safest when she's acting tough.

You might wonder how she and I became friends. Well, she's also smart and funny, and we used to enjoy each other's company quite a bit. Over the last year I got weary of her "toughness" and have backed off. Her dog though, is my dog's first friend. A great big galump of a dog, a Rotwieller mix, who was wandering the freeway one day. Victoria found her and adopted her. Cookie was so laid back she was almost asleep. She protected Charlie from other dogs when play got too rough, but she wasn't a rough and tumble dog herself.

I couldn't stop crying last night. I will miss Cookie deeply, but I can't imagine how hard this must be for Victoria. I'm anticipating she will not want any kind of sympathy or soothing words. which makes me feel sorry for her too. I don't know what to do when I see her. Somehow, along the way, she learned to act like this, and just continues to do so. Something like this happens, and she has no way to allow those feelings out.

Selfishly, I want to do something for her, share my own feelings of sadness with her, give her a hug. But I don't think she will let that happen.