Mind over matter

About six months after I moved to Japan, I started getting these awful stomach aches. I was 24 years old, and it was my first big move. Of course, it couldn't be to like, say, Los Angeles or San Francisco, oh no. I had to sign a three year contract and move 11 hours away by direct flight.

I at first thought it was something I was eating. I cut out dairy, cut out fat, cut out alcohol, cut out caffeine... tried fasting for a few days, but nothing helped. These were not regular, "I gotta go to the bathroom" tummy aches. These would wake me up in the middle of the night with the pain. These were hunched-over-like-an-old-lady torso aches. It didn't seem to matter what I did; they just happened along, and then went away with no discernible reason.

I then thought they were psychosomatic, that I was lonely, and that it was just a physical manifestation of my feelings. So I chose to ignore them. That didn't work either.

I finally went to a Japanese doctor, with the secretary from the school to translate for me. Through Makiko, I told him what was going on. He said something, laughed,and she looked at me and turned red. Later, she told me he had said the pain was from carrying around the large breasts on my body.

Yes. That is what he said.

So I went to another doctor; this time to one who spoke English. He did some tests, and came back into the room with a grave face.
"It does not look good."

Oh My God! I was going to die!

"It looks like you have an ulcer."

That's all? Sheesh. Lots of people have that. I went home to California for Christmas shortly after that, so I went to my regular doctor. He didn't think it was an ulcer, just an "overproduction of stomach acid."

Then came the several years of Zantac and Prilosec and all the other antacid and whatnot that didn't work. My family doctor insisted that it had nothing to do with stress, and I insisted just as strongly that I thought it did. I have a different doctor now.

The picture I posted today is the only thing (other than Vicoden) that works when these stomach aches come along. I took it in Koh Samui, in Thailand, after a vespa ride around the island. After I finished the three years in Japan, I took a solo trip, backpacking from Bangkok to Malaysia, to Singapore. I met lots of others along the way, and I was never lonely. I spent a week on Koh Samui, relaxing in the sun, drinking, and going out dancing every night.

I took several photos of the sunset that night, but I tacked this one to my bulletin board when I got home. When I took it I had no responsibilities. No job, no rent, no bills.

Of course, I got one of my stomach aches after not too long, and happened to be looking at the photo. I realized that the pain was ebbing away a bit. I concentrated on the photo, and it really seemed to be helping. I thought of the little toy or figurine used as a "focal point" for anyone in the movies having a baby, but it wasn't like that. Something in my brain was using that picture to send endorphins or whatever to get rid of the pain.

I tried it the next time I had the stomach ache, and the next, and the next. Even now, just looking at it makes me feel calm and content. It's full of magic, that photo that's never even been in a frame.

There must be others. Do you know of any?