Dried Up

“The reasons that so many women find themselves in this predicament are complex, but one of the most tragic reasons is ignorance. Even highly educated women, it seems, have not fully grasped the reality that their childbearing years are relatively limited and that they must take this reality into account when establishing their life priorities. They were so busy climbing the career ladder that relationships took a back seat. Before they knew it the years had flown.”
-Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Creating a Life; Professional Women and the Quest for Children

Oh my.
Just another way to make me feel wrong.

This time there’s no reference to being hit with a terrorist bullet... maybe because that chance isn’t so far-fetched anymore.

Before, it was a 3% chance of getting married after 40.
Now, it’s learning that I’m ten years behind in having my children.

I’ve been losing fertility for ten years... where did it go?
Is it hiding in the teenage girls I teach?
Girls that don’t even know how to walk in platform shoes?

Really... it seems to me that every few years or so, there’s some new study that shows how women are still messing up.

Just now I find out that my most fertile years were spent getting over the fact that the man I planned to spend my life with was gay.

Now, whom can we blame that one on?

I wasn’t working on my career, Hell, I didn’t even have a career until I was thirty (already three years past my prime, according to the report).

Okay, I accept my body, back fat and all. I don’t believe anyone cares if my hair is out of place. Men are not from Mars, and Venus is just the name of the razor I use to sometimes shave my legs. I love my job, but there’s no rung of a corporate ladder to climb; I spend my days extolling the virtues of specific details, verb tense and the semi-colon.

Sometimes I yell at 13-year-old boys to pull up their pants.

Holding out for true love sounds corny, but it’s also what I’m doing. How did that simple desire become something to be ashamed of?


{This was written almost four years ago, and yet it is still true for me. The latest I've heard is that I have a higher chance of breast cancer now because I've never breast fed. It feels like I can't win.}