Some of you remember the post I wrote about the good things about my dad. It was hard to write, and I made myself cry doing it, but I knew it would be good for me. And it was.
But.
I emailed it to him just over two weeks ago, and I've heard nothing from him. Nothing.
It wasn't sent just to get a response, but gosh, it still hurts. Even when I do something nice, there's no acknowledgement at all.
Please, please don't say something like "your father is a jerk, and you just need to accept that." It may well be true, but it's not going to happen. I will always want my father to love me and respect me; it's how I'm wired.
Understanding that my dad is an A-1 asshole is easy for anyone to do. Moving on from there is the hard part for me.
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The love of a parent is the ideal unconditional model for love that we all have, want, or strive for.
The only thing that ever changed that for me (waiting for my dad's approval) was giving birth to my own kids.
It didn't make it go away but it became less important as I strived to be as close to that ideal as I could be for my sons.
Ironically, when my father finally told me that he loved me I was in my 20's and it registered but it, in all honestly, was more like two adults sharing a friendship than like a father and daughter. I think he waited until I was too grown up. I just don't know.
~Michelle~
Michelle mentioned this blog to me. I find it kind of interesting that the first entry that I wanted to respond to, she already had!
Anyway, this just struck a nerve with me. I'm sure there are several others who would be touched by this entry.
So, I read your original post and immediately wished my list could be that long and meaningful. I want to write my own and send it to my dad...I doubt/wonder if I'm brave enough to actually send it, though...
Best of luck to you.
Arggh. That's rough. I'm not going to bash your dad, but I'm sure that what you sent him touched him. Perhaps this is disturbing to him, or he doesn't know how to respond. Either way, and although it hurts not to get that response, I'm sure you know that you did something good, which counts. And at least by sharing it with us you could get some response, if not the one you wanted most.
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