Marriage Proposal, May 4, 1990

I was 26, and teaching English in Japan. A man, Hiroshi Kogan, was attending the university very close by the private girl's school where I worked. My roommate, Mary, and I, met him one day walking down to the train station.

Mary was a stunning black woman, and I was a blonde, blue-eyed girl. We always got looks, but especially when we were together. Japan is not known for its diversity of race, or loads of immigrants, seeking a better life. We stuck out.

Anyway, we often were approached by people (usually men or school girls) wanting to practice their English. We would be polite, not wanting to be an "ugly American" nor cause any shame to our school due to our poor manners. Manners are big there, if you don't know.

Hiroshi said he was studying American History and Culture, and wanted to know if he could interview us. Okay, me. He was ignoring Mary, and it was obvious. He wanted to talk to me because I looked the part. He was a "golden hair" seeker. Just like the men here at home, who will only date Asian women, there are men in Japan who will only date Caucasian women. Blonde, blue-eyed, Caucasian woman.

We continued to be polite, said we were busy, but thank you anyway, and maybe, sometime, when we weren't so busy, thank you, nice meeting you, goodbye.

We laughed about him on the way to Osaka, and that was that.

Or so we thought.

Nope, he called the school office, and left a message for me. Only me. I was prodded into calling him back by Mary, who thought at the very least it would be a good story.

Below is the result of having tea with this man, for an hour at the most, and then trying to avoid him at all costs for three months afterward.

Dear Rebbecca [why can't anyone spell my name correctly?]

The fragrance of early summer fills the air. May is the season of young leaves. Fields, hills and mountains are covered with vivid green. The really please our eyes, don't they? How did you like your sight-seeing trip to Tokyo? I sincerely hope you enjoyed it very much. Until the Meiji Restoration was achieved and then Emperor Meiji transferred the capital from Kyoto to Tokyo in 1868, Tokyo had been called Edo. Tokyo means "East Capital" as opposed to Kyoto in the west. The city can be divided roughly into upper (Yamanote) and lower (Shitamachi) sections. Did you visit both? Tokyo is often said to be the place where the East and the West, and the old and the new, have blended most harmoniously. I enjoy the diversity whenever I visit there. How's your friend?

(At one point I had told him on the phone that I had a boyfriend, practically a fiance', whom I would visit Tokyo with. Actually, a girlfriend of mine had come out to visit.)

I hope he's fine and that he had an enjoyable trip.

How is everything going with you? Although I haven't seen you for some time, I presume you are in robust health.

Tomorrow's Children's Day. We celebrate Children's Day by hoisting carp banners. The number of carp banners has a special meaning. For example, four carp banners means that there are four boys in the family. Carp symbolizes courage and strength.

I have had many thoughts of you lately. You must be busy preparing for your classes. I sincerely hope you are in love with what you are doing. I wonder if you are still on trip in the Golden Week (Three holidays fall during the end of April, beginning of May, hence, "Golden Week"). However long vacation is,I always feel I want a few days more. I need to do some housework. My old-time friend has joked me, "It's a god investment to have a wife around."

It's nice to have a good house-keeper. She has also advised me regarding choosing an appropriate mate. She told me, in her letter, for American women, their own family is not easily let go of for the same of one man, They marry both families together; not just the woman going over to the man's family and being cut off from her own family of origin. She meant considering her or his own family roots, as well as my own, is crucial. I think it is important. How about you? Do you regard one's own family root is important when one gets marry?

She also advised me to consider the matter of my own life. I have wanted to marry someone having a same interest in common. Frankly, I wish I could marry you, Religion is a important factor when one gets marry, I suppose. You are christian, and I think you'd lead me spiritually. I have hoped to marry christian.

A culture in which one is raised might matter, besides the mutual love of a couple, when they decide to get marry. However I suppose intercultural marriages work. I know marriage is not dating. It might take a pain to understand each culture to which we belong, I believe we can progress in making that efforts.

Yes, I'd like to marry you, and I love you, I've been in love wich you. You are my kind of person. However, I know you've got a close friend, whom you probably love,. I believe he's quite a gentleman, for you've chosen him. It is out of the question for me to propose you.

I only want you to know that I love you sincerely. Rebecca, I love you and want to marry you from bottom of my heart. I really shouldn't tell it to you, for your boyfriend may still be here.

I'm not satisfied I secretly love you. I want you to know my sincere feeling toward you. I wonder if you will marry him, If so, I'll completely give you up. I think you'll probably get marry him, I'll be only too glad if you are my friend until you leave for the States for good.

I hope I haven't embarrassed you, If I did, please overlook it, Rebecca, am I still your friend? After I've confessed my love to you? I worry. I'd be delighted if I can keep seeing you. If he is your fiance, I will never write a letter like this.

Hoping this will find you fine,
Devotedly,
Hiroshi


Do you think this might be the only one I get?