Costumes

We took my mother out for her 70th birthday on Tuesday. One of the presents (notice I didn't say "gifts") my sister gave her was a large frame with space for nine photos in it. All the photos were from my sister's birthday celebration. I'm sorry, there was one space left blank for me to fill with a photo of Charlie. Now, why my mother would want a photo of Charlie on her wall, or a whole bunch of pictures of my sister's birthday on the wall... well, I don't think she would. However, this is my sister's present to my mom, not mine, so what's the big deal?

I'll tell you.

One of the pictures is lovely. My mother, my sister and I all smiling together. I have my pretty new (size 14!) dress on, Sister has her shades on, and we all look pretty good. But did we stop there? Oh no.

There's another picture. I'm sitting on the edge of Sister's pool, with just my feet in the water. Sister's drunk friend is talking to me. Sister came over and took the picture looking down at both of us. I'm also leaning forward, unaware of the result of leaning forward, until I see this picture.

In this picture, not only are my boobs completely popping out of the dress a la Britany Spears in the Matt Lauer interview, you can see practically down to my navel. Okay, not to my navel, but... it's so bad that not only can you see all the cleavage I possess between the boobs, but you can actually see the curve UNDER my boob.

Mortification.

Total and absolute mortification.

Any friend of mine would use this picture to tease me, blackmail me, or just have a good laugh.

Not my sister though.

She puts it in a frame and declares "It's such a cute picture of you!" then gives it as a gift to my mother.

God.

Best of all of this? I asked my mother to please let me give her a different picture of myself to put in place of this awful picture, and she said, "I like it. I'll just cover up your chest with a sticker or something."

Is it time to go to Vegas yet?


So what does all this have to do with Costumes? Well, we get to act differently when we wear costumes. Most of the time, my costumes have been detailed, but ugly. The one below took me weeks of planning to get right. The witch costume above is my fall back.

This last year, if you remember, I decided to be a cute witch. It all goes together. I feel better about my looks, and then I do even more to present myself the best way possible. I feel crummy, and I don't even try.

However. The big-breasts-falling-out-of my-dress look is one I've never gone for. Not that I'm modest in general, but the fact that I'm not small up top is obvious. Why should I make it even more so? No low cut or tight fitting tops for me. I think it looks cheap. Also, it seems that being a chubby girl means that one must play up those big babies even more. It's like, "there's at least one thing about her that's attractive."

I've always fought against it.

The naked breast is a thing of beauty.

Shoving it into a push up wonderbra and wearing a shirt two sizes too small isn't.