Appearances

I have a reputation for making funny faces. My friends all have plenty of blackmail pictures of me... I guess you couldn't really call them blackmail photos, because anyone who knows me, knows I can manipulate my face; who's going to blackmail me with something everyone already knows?

Anyway, I'm a basically attractive person. I'm no amazing beauty, and men do not fall at my feet (for that matter, nor do women). On the other hand, I've never thought I was ugly, and most days, except for wanting to lose weight, I'm fairly happy with my looks.

I feel lucky that my looks have not been much of an issue one way or another. Again, my weight is another story, but that's always been something I could change. My looks aren't so fabulous that I could be a bitch and get away with it (not that I've ever wanted to) but again, they aren't so bad that people avoid me.

There's this friend of mine who has twice now, in the last couple of months, said I looked like I had Down's Syndrome. This wouldn't be so bad if he was commenting on pictures of me making a face, but both times he did it when I showed him what I thought was a pretty good photo. I'm sure he was kidding, but was he? I look at the two photos again, searching for what he was talking about. Why would he say such a specific thing? And why would he say it about what I thought was a good picture of me? I don't have the answer. Maybe it's just his way.

When I was first on line, about 10 years ago now, I filled out several personals. At that time on-line dating was new, and there were about 10 men to every woman. I was popular. For the first time in my life, I felt I was being judged on what was important to me; my intelligence, my wit, my personality. This was before everyone had a digital camera and scanner, so often the person I was speaking to had no idea what I looked like.

Those were the days. I met several men, and one in particular really fell for me. None of the men I met were jerks, although none really worked out either. It was a great big boost to my confidence. I really think men that might not have looked at me twice noticed me when my image wasn't the first thing they saw. Again, it's not that my image is so bad, but I don't turn heads.

Now though, it's not the same. I signed up with Okaycupid, and the only response I got was from a 69 year old man in Michigan who called himself "Papa Smokes."

Ew.

Have you looked at personal on line lately? The woman are all wonderful looking and fit, and the guys are wearing sunglasses and baseball hats. The 45-year-old men are looking for women "21-40" and are fully uninterested in the likes of me. Sometimes the guy is even too lazy to write any answers to the questions on the site:

"Hey, just email me and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

Who goes to an online personal ad site and then doesn't write anything? I guess, it beats going and writing a detailed, heartfelt profile, and then getting nothing.

Or an email from Papa Smokes.