What's important to me

Being honest. As much as possible, even when it's not pretty or admirable.

Taking responsibility for one's actions. I once knew a man who would totally break the rules. He'd come to work late, have a beer during his dinner break, wouldn't call when he said he would, and would lose his temper.

Yet, he'd never lie. He'd be right up front about anything he did. I loved that about him. Didn't always agree with his choices, but his ability to tell things exactly the way they were was something else. I am nowhere near that.

A sense of humor. Yeah, everyone says that, but what do they mean? I don't mean sarcasm, even though I'm guilty of it often. I'm talking about seeing the joy and silliness in life. In day to day life, in heavy things, in everything. It's hard to explain it exactly; I don't want someone cutting up about my pain, nor do I want to be joking during every conversation.

I think it's related to honesty. Laughing at myself isn't always easy, and I know a few people who are incapable of it. They goof up, and instead of smiling about it and moving on, they pretend that it didn't happen. Or they refuse to show that side of themselves to the world. It might make them look weak, or stupid or insipid. But we are all weak and stupid and insipid sometimes.

A sense of humor for me, is that sense of connectedness. When a person can laugh at him or her self, it shows me that I'm not alone. Laughing together is even more important. No one is "in charge" when everyone is laughing.

Kindness. This is huge. It takes a certain amount of confidence to be kind. Not the pet-the-little-lost-puppy-dog kind or the send-a-card-on-a-birthday kind. no. I'm talking about letting another person have the last word or allowing someone their faults or thinking ahead so that one's own words or actions don't hurt another. I'm talking about a real apology when it happens, not the "I'm so sorry you feel that way" or "I didn't intend it that way, don't be so sensitive" half-assed attempts at apology. I mean the real apology. The one when you admit you messed up. Sometimes the kindness is just letting someone be. Leaving someone alone.

A mind open to discussion. A mind willing to change. A mind that doesn't need to resort to mockery or disparagement when disagreeing with another. God, I love discussion. I love getting into it with a smart person who doesn't agree with me, and yet doesn't dismiss my ideas simply because we don't see eye-to-eye. What makes it so hard sometimes is how flat-out mean people can be when ideas are different. And then, there's the person that won't listen to me because I'm a woman, or a Democrat, or a Christian, or a teacher, or a single person, or a childless person, or a person over 40, etc.

Once we stop listening to each other, there's nowhere to go.


There's lots more, but that looks like a good place to stop.