filling up every moment

I'm not a type A personality type. I like downtime. I like lots of it, although I haven't had much of it lately. I spent four hours at school yesterday, planning out the whole week, trying to make sure I addressed state standards at all time, gave appropriate homework, and wrote up a vocabulary quiz. I like planning, actually, just wish there was more time to do it in the work day. I do not like going in on weekends.

Today, things went well, but I had a meeting at 4:00pm. It was for BTSA, (Beginning Teachers Something or Another), for which I am a "support provider teacher."

This two year program is for new teachers, and they must complete it to earn their clear teaching credential. It sounds good in theory, but it takes up a hell of a lot of time. Far more for the new teachers than the support teachers.

Problem is, no one in their right mind wants to be a support provider. Here's what it entails:

• 18 hours of trainings, either from 4-7pm after school or 8-3pm Saturday sessions.
• Monthly meetings/seminars with the BTSA program "team" These are actually called "events." They run 2-3 hours.
• Hourly meetings each week with the participating teacher

But surely you are compensated, you ask?

Yes. At the end of the school term, I will receive an $1100 stipend. I have to pay taxes and other fun stuff on it, so it's really closer to $800, but whatever.

I worked it out; it's approximately $15 an hour. It's not what I make as a teacher. I actually make more per hour just doing lunch duty every day.

Why didn't I say "no"? There are a few reasons. One was that I was asked during our first English department meeting, in front of the person who needed a support teacher. Put right on the spot. Stuttering and stammering I tried,

"But I don't even know what it entails. I don't know the time commitment, or what the responsibilities are."

Our department chair, who is a friend of mine, and is also a support provider said,

"Well, you have to go to a couple of trainings (there are 6!) and you get paid. Pretty well too (no, not pretty well). You are the only one who has been here long enough to do it (that's true. We have two 2nd year teachers, and our one brand new teacher. We also have two transfer teachers who, although they are not new, are not equipped to be a mentor teacher just yet. My department chair is doing it for the 2nd year teachers, and also getting $2000 for it, but for the same amount of time), and we have to do this (we? Where's the we? I believe she is saying I have to do this).

I wiffled and waffled, but broke down and said I'd do it.

So it was my choice, and I shouldn't complain, but I am. I feel like I got cornered into this, and although Jackie is a lovely person, it is an astonishing amount of time. The state of California set this up, and so of course it's full of forms and requirements that don't necessarily help new teachers. They have to do it though, or they won't get their credential. The state has set it up so there is immense guilt if you don't "help out" the new teacher and mentor him or her. It's not that I don't want to help, but if I can only give it in the way that is dictated by the state, I would like some more money for that please.

What would've happened if I had said "no"? I don't know. There's got to be situations in which that's happened. Then what?

Oh yeah, I know, looks good on my resume. Yeah. Because where I live is such a hole, right?

I'm not leaving. Besides, my school district is the only one in town.

This is such a pain in the butt.