Being bitchy

I'm still in a bad mood today.

Yesterday I was called "bitchy" by someone whose opinion of me matters. Something I said was taken differently than I intended, and feelings were hurt. I hate hurting feelings, but I hate being misunderstood as well.

Every day I have to weigh my words. Make sure my comments are inclusive of all beliefs, lifestyles, genders and political views. Call on the girls 50% of the time, the boys the other 50%. Give individual attention to all my 137 students, and be careful to say and do nothing that might damage their self-esteem. Check up on any students that miss a homework assignment, and make personal contact with every parent or guardian.

Then, last night, I had to speak for an hour and a half, with only four 4-minute breaks, to the parents of my students. I had to give an overview of my curriculum, course of instruction, classroom culture, grading and discipline policies, the California State standards for 8th grade English, and do so without faltering or leaving anything out. I had to reassure parents that I am capable, experienced, and above all, love their children as they do. I had to be diplomatic with the parents of the Honors student, who feel their child is better than others, and again with the parents of the Reading students, who don't know why their child is behind in school.

Careful all the fucking time.

I get home, and the satellite television has been installed. Except, my landlady tells me, it couldn't be installed in my place with the same dish. So she paid the $50 to have another one installed on my roof. She told me that I could "pay her back if I wanted." Uh huh. Of course I'm going to pay her back (I'm the one who didn't get the rent raised in August, remember?).

Oh yeah, she also slipped the guy $20 to install it without an official charge. So again she says, "well, that was my decision, so you can decide what to do about that." Again, I know where my bread is buttered, so I pay her that too. So, that's the $70 I spoke of last night. But here's the thing. I am not getting any regular stations. No ABC, no CBS, nothing. I get the flippin golf channel, and QVC, but no regular broadcast channels. The banner shows up for the local channels, but there's no picture. Which means no Lost, no CSI, no Alias.

Here's the kicker. Because I'm on my landlady's bill, I can't call and complain to DirectTv. I know there's a way to get the channels, I just don't know what it is. I can't find out, because I'm not allowed to call.

So, on and on the polite, carefully worded utterances out of my mouth. I try again today to find out what's going on from my landlady, but she's been "too busy" to deal with it. See, she's leaving on a three-week trip Monday. So, unless it's taken care of today, it won't get taken care of. I don't want to be pushy, and I know that while there's so many folks without drinkable water, I shouldn't complain, but I do. I'm not interested in watching 6oo weird channels. I just want to see a few shows that are premiering next week.

And I'm tired of being careful.