I didn't wear my "first day of school" dress today

And it's a good thing I didn't. I've worn the same pale green, Liz Claiborne dress for the last 8 years on the first day. It's what I call a magic dress; it always fits, can go to a wedding, the first day of school, graduation day, a job interview, and it's made out of Polyester. That means I can put it in the washer and dryer. I try not to buy clothes anymore that can't go in the washer and dryer. However, dresses are tricky that way. Hard to find in the first place, and then, ones that are decent looking are often made of something that either has to be dry-cleaned or ironed. Both of which are undesirable.

However. I didn't wear the magic dress, because it's been stinkin' hot, and Polyester and sweat just don't mix. I wore a pink polo shirt from Target, and a cute black cotton skirt I got on sale at Sears. I know, Sears? Yep. Every once in a while I find a little gem there.

So anyway, I'm at school, all ready to go, and first period goes well. An honors class, lovely students if a little noisy; there's one boy in particular that I'm already worried about, but we will see. Then second period. My reading class. There are some knuckleheads in here, and a few cuties. One in particular that I just want to pat on the head. A little seventh grader with glasses and a small voice. Oh what a sweetheart he is.

About 25 minutes into the class, I feel a warmth spread in my... ahem...lower region. It was not a pleasant moment. More of a "holy crap" moment.

See, I started my period this weekend. No biggie, right? Wrong.

(PSA: if you are grossed out by the wondrous workings of the female body, and what it does every month, bummer. You won't want to read any more of this. Now go get over yourself.)

I had the tampon, I had the little panty liner. I had the panties (god, I hate the word "panty." It sounds nasty. Just the sound of it. Ick. I had the underwear on). I even had a short/slip thing, called a "petti-pant" to wear under my skirt.

Nope, that flow of mine just gushed on through. Think of the overly-nourished child I might give birth to if it actually wasn't leaving my body and instead was headed to a little goober inside. Wow. This happens sometimes to me, but usually in the morning. Right when I sit up, blammo. Yes, it has happened once when I was...um... not alone. All over his new Ralph Lauren sheets.

Now that was embarrassing.

Back to this morning. I made it to the end of second period, and ran out the door. We have 4 minutes between classes, and I had to shut the door to my classroom, even as third period students were starting to come in. I can't let them in my classroom without an adult present.
"Sorry, sorry you guys, I gotta go, nature calls, you know, be right back!"

Not the best way to meet my new pupils, but oh well.

I race around the back of the school. See, there is a staff bathroom two doors down from my room, but I can't get in that way. It's inside the doors of an old locker hall that's not used by kids anymore. Last year we got all the doors of our classrooms re-keyed, but not the locker hall doors. Our old keys would open those doors, but we had to turn our old keys in. Which means no one can open those damn locker hall doors from my side of the building.

At the back of the building, the other side, I can usually get in, because the locker hall doors are usually open over there (there's an elementary school there that shares our campus).

Not today. Both of the doors on that side are locked as well. Their kids are in the yard there, having recess, so I ask one of the teachers to lend me her key.
"I'm sorry, I don't have a key."
"uh, okay. It's kinda an emergency (and remember, I only have 4 minutes)."
"Well, you can use the kid's bathroom."
Great. I run in there, all sweaty by now, and go into one of the mini stalls, and sit on the micro toilet. I pull down my pants.

Again, HOLY CRAP.

It looks like someone got shot in my underwear. I clean up best as I can, do what I need to do, flush, wash my hands, and run back to my room.

Good thing my skirt was black.


And welcome back to school.