Last night I went to a birthday party for Donald. You know, the nice guy that's completely head over heels for my friend Michelle? The one Michelle thinks would be a "good match" for me?
Anyway, a bunch of his friends met at a local bar/restaurant for drinks. Michelle had bought balloons, and flowers to decorate the table, and had told me earlier that she had bought a cake from a local bakery. To the tune of $32! For a cake! Now, tell me that she isn't interested in him.
I got gussied up, looked mighty fine I might add, and arrived a bit late. The only people I knew were the birthday boy and Michelle. I had to sit way at the end of the long table and try to have sparkling conversation with total strangers. I sat down with couples on either side of me, and a very handsome man who happened to be Donald's boss.
As is usual when faced with a good looking, apparently single man, I started talking to the woman on my left. Blah blah blah party talk. Everyone seemed very nice.
At the other end of a table was another man, tall, intelligent looking. For the first time in I don't know how long, I actually was doing the look-look away, flirty thing with him. I was surprised at myself. I don't do that anymore.
truly, I don't believe anyone finds me attractive enough, in this sea of beautiful women, to actually flirt with me or be interested in me. Intellectually, I know that's not true, but it's what I feel when I'm in a situation like this. Usually. And I certainly don't want to embarrass myself by flirting and then being rebuffed. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I know how I feel when some goober thinks he's hot stuff and won't stop pouring it on. How come the amount of unwanted attention grows in direct proportion to how undesirable the giver of the attention is?
I never want to be that undesirable person, so I pretty much just avoid the whole thing.
But not last night. I don't know what it was that got into me. My new haircut? The tall guy at the other end of the table left fairly early, so I never spoke with him. However, the very handsome man closer to me happened to be good friends with the boyfriend of the woman on my left. So Keith and I started talking too. After the couple left, we kept talking. Dare I say... flirting as well. Oh boy. I haven't forgotten how to do this.
At one point he asked me if I had gone to "Plate" this new Asian French fusion restaurant... was he going to ask me out?
No. He was just talking about restaurants.
He left while I was in the ladies room. No good bye, nice to meet you, see you again.
But it doesn't matter.
I still felt pretty and charming for a while last night. It's nice to know that feeling is still there, available to me.
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2 comments:
i> How come the amount of unwanted attention grows in direct proportion to how undesirable the giver of the attention is? i<
That was a nice line. And I am so glad that you can access that feeling. It makes me tired to think about it though, the adrenaline, the electricity running through you, doing things you never saw yourself doing.
It evoked a kind of bittersweetness. Very nice.
Flirting? Good for you! And, IMO, I think he was too shy to ask you out directly, so he just weakly mentioned the restaurant. Sounds like he was "fishing" to me.
BTW, you're pretty, with a lovely smile that conveys a real warmth. Consider looking in the mirror and telling yourself you deserve to reap the rewards of taking risks! Then find someone to wink at and see if you can make them smile! Just my $0.02.
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